Cause I love you

A few weeks ago I was pouring over some financial goals I was working on when I felt led to talk to my Father God about it.  My prayer went something like this " Dear God, I am trying to honor you with my finances.  You see the bigger picture and all but I am sitting here thinking I could really use $200. You know what I really need and so I want to trust you but here is my heart..." I sat there smiling afterwards feeling oddly at peace and (shamefully) thinking yes, God could but why would He need to?
Yesterday in the middle of my afternoon sessions, the postman came to the door with a box of things I had ordered.  On the top was my stack of mail, fliers, bills and a pretty yellow envelope with my name on it.  I couldn't wait till the session was over so I tore it open and guess what fell out! A check made out to me in the amount of $200!  In the memo the sender had written "cause I love you".
Now I am not trying to over spiritualize or embarrass the sender but this to me was my miracle straight from God.  Not only did He answer in exactly the way I had requested He sent me a message in the memo also.
He doesn't always answer my prayers in this way but this time He knew how very much I needed that message at that exact moment and just because not only does the sender love me but the God who created the universe loves me and enjoys blessing me with fun things.

In other "news" spring really may be coming after all!  Yippie Skippie!

The Wonderful Gift of Azure Standard

Several years ago I was introduced to a wonderful money saving organic and natural foods buying group called Azure Standard.  At that time we drove about 30 minutes to a drop off point where we would meet the semi and pick up our items we had placed orders for on line.  The company is located in Oregon and our trucking company, Covenant Ranch Trucking is located in Kansas.  Our drop point, Williamsburg,Iowa was the furtherest point on their line.  Due to the great pricing backed by the knowledge that our food was coming from healthy sources and was GMO free, the requests for Azure going more places became more insistent and today even my mom in South Carolina picks up monthly deliveries.   I am now drop point manager for a very convieniently located drop in Iowa City which is only a few miles from my home. Each month the fine folks in my group order what they need on line and one week later it is delivered to a spacious church parking lot which is a central location for most of us.  We all help unload and divide the orders making sure that each person has what they ordered.  In our particular group we have people such as an Organic Valley farmer who brings his delicious chicken and beef to our drop points at each pickup.  It is such fun having a group of like minded folks who enjoy feeding healthy as well as delicious food to their loved ones.
Some of the favorites I see around our group include Almond flour, (delicious!) frozen berries and fruits, grains such as wheat and oats, Nature's Path cearels, Bubbies Pickles, toothpaste and deoderant, BPA free containers, herbal tinctures, yogurts and cheeses and the list could go on.
My personal favorites include Azure's own chicken broth powder, their many varieties of potatoes (I got 50 lbs of yellow ones last month for only $22) apples (which are sadly about out for the season), wheat berries (which I grind for most of my flour usage), oats, mushroom soup mix and of course their fabulous seasonal produce.  I have a case of broccoli coming this month.  It has 14 heads in it and my cost is only $15!  
I stalk the sales specials and Bargain bins and try new things that way.  We also use their goat's milk bar soaps as we have sensitive skin issues in our home.
I was recently asked if I could write down a favorite recipe that showcases Azure ingredients and our pretty much daily Blueberry waffles and syrup came to mind.
Here is that yummyness...

*2 c ww flour (I use the AS brand in white wheat and have used soft and hard)
*1/4 c ground golden flax seed (AS has great 5 lb packs)
*1/4 c olive oil
*2 c milk (We use raw organic and I sometimes substitute 1/2 c of plain yogurt for 1/2 of the milk)
*4 eggs separated
*1 t. salt
*2 t bkg pwd.
*Blueberries, Chocolate chips, (both are available from AS at great pricing! I just got a case of the frozen bulk Blueberries and OWM they remind me so much of how they taste fresh!!)

Combine dry ingredients, add oil, egg yolks and milk.  Beat egg whites till they are stiff and fold in till well mixed.  I grease my waffle iron with real butter and place desired amount in and then place blueberries or chocolate chips right on top.  (I put both in mine  )

For a quick and easy syrup:
*3 cups organic raw sugar
*1 c organic brown sugar (I purchase cases of  brown and pwd sugars from AS in the small bags--stores well in my basement and keeps fresh!)
*2 c water
*1 T maple flavoring
Simmer together till sugar is dissolved.  Avoid boiling as that will make so that leftovers get sugary.

The waffle batter is great as leftovers for several days. But I always try to warn people that the flax seems to have a stronger taste after the first day.

Another of my favorite things from Azure is their bulk fresh Garlic which is usually only a few dollars per pound.

My herbalist and Friend, Kristi,  who is also an AS member shared a wonderful garlic oil recipe with me.  Garlic oil is good for so very many things including ear infections and many other illnesses.  It is wonderful to use in cooking and lasts on your counter for several months. 

It only uses 2 ingredients: 

6 cloves garlic and 1/3 c olive oil

I simply chop the garlic, place in cup size glass jar and pour the olive oil over the top.

After it has set for a few hours it is ready for use.  I usually leave most of it in the jar with the chopped garlic and then strain a small amount into a dropper bottle to use for ear aches.

I could go on and on about the many ways Azure has helped our young family. It is definitely a blessing I am very thankful for and love to share with other people.  If you are wishing for more info or to join a drop close to you you may call them directly at 971-200-8350 or if you are local to the Iowa City area you may contact me for help signing up.  The program is free. You do not have to place an order every month to stay active. When you do place an order there is a $50 minimum needed in order to avoid a $5 surcharge.

Anyone can go and browse their website and check out their great pricing for yourselves! www.azurestandard.com

Surprises & Miracles

I always get extra sentimental at this time of the year. This week is Kali's birthday. All of our children are special gifts but her birthday always takes me on a trip down memory lane...bear with me if you've heard this before.  
As a child and even as a teen when ever asked what I was going to be when I grew up, my heartfelt answer was always "I want to be a mom".  When Lowell and I got married we both assumed we would be married a year or so and then start having babies.  We soon found out it was much more complicated then that. Fertility testing and endless scrutiny medically left us wondering how anyone can get pregnant as there are so many endless factors that have to be in place before conception can happen.  When months turned into years and the pain of infertility slapped us in the face every where we turned we resigned ourselves to being a family of two, a fact so often mis spoken by many well meaning souls.  "So when are you two gonna have a family?"  AHEM, we are a family who happens to be unable to add children to the mix. We traveled on fun anniversary trips and did things we enjoyed.  Mean while our friends were having babies, some of them quite rapidly and moved on into the crazy child rearing years.  We weren't there and yet we weren't single anymore either.  Where did we fit. We considered adoption.  Lowell wasn't ready to commit to that so we went on with life.
I wrote then too.  I have a  journal full of devotionals I wrote meant to encourage women who were in the waiting game just like me.  I facilitated an infertility support group and wrote a newsletter for couples. Church was hard. Mother's day became a huge point of torment for my tired soul.  Baby dedications were huge joyous events that excluded me. When was God going to hear and answer my prayers?  
We tried all the herbs and potions and relaxed (which BTW is the most ridiculous advice ever to give to someone waiting).  We had every medical procedure we could afford and still we waited.
In 2005 we went out on a limb and bought a business we planned to do together till we were old and gray. About that time I was invited to a ladies meeting where much to my chagrin a very pregnant lady was  to be one of the guest speakers.  (yup, pregnant women were out to get me...)  I sat there holding back the tears and hoping I wouldn't have to be any where really close to her thru the whole long night.  Well, God in his infinite wisdom decided to put me into the evening prayer group with none other then HER!  I lost it. Being the blunt person I am I flat out told her how I felt.  The next moments are a blur, but I remember her laboring to get down on her knees in front of me, 8 month pregnant belly and all and began to pray for God to heal my deep pain and grant the desires of my heart.  The other women in the group were weeping with me and began to prophecy (yeah that was a bit freaky for a conservative Mennonite).  One of them saw a vision of a tree that had been cut off.  In each of the rings she saw green shoots coming forth.  She told me she felt God was going to have me be fruitful as that tree either physically or spiritually. At this point I was kind of skeptical of prayer really working for us as many well meaning people had prayed and spoken encouraging words over us over the years. I had often promised and bargained with God that if He granted my desire that I would share the story with the world.  However this time was different. I felt different.  I was free.  Mother's day was a few weeks later. I went to church and didn't feel like crying my eyes out.  My friend had a baby. I took her a meal AND a big gift basket (something I had not been able to do joyfully before!) and I enjoyed myself.
In the end of July I flew to Phoenix to spend a weekend with my siblings.  I vomited the whole flight.  I get car sick but this was over the top. The flight attendants finally brought me a black garbage bag.  As we were getting off the flight one of them sympathetically said "Honey are you sure you're not pregnant?" to which I emphatically responded, "There is NO way".   
When I got home my tummy was still not very happy so I decided to take yet another pregnancy test.  I could've owned stock in the company by this time and should have figured out a way to buy in bulk.  Low and behold as I waited, two pink lines showed up in the spot where there was always just the lone one.  I nearly fainted and quickly ran over to work to show Lowell.  We were in shock.  The pregnancy was amazing and scary and wonderful.  I ended up with major surgery in my seventh month due to a torsioned ovary which resulted in lots of preterm labor and frightening stays in the hospital afraid we would lose our precious miracle God was finally blessing us with.
Now it was really me getting to have a pregnant belly.

It was finally me feeling the growing life inside of me.  It was finally me getting to walk thru a process I had dreamed of so long.  The birth process was unlike anything I had imagined but we had our baby.  Lowell couldn't believe we really had a girl!  She was the first in his Miller family in over 70 years.

Our family had expanded in such a miraculous way!  At long last we were parents.  What a rush!

Then came life with a baby.  It was "our turn" at baby dedication.

I got flowers on Mother's day.

My dreams had become reality.  Most people with the condition I have (PCOS) do eventually go on to get pregnant. I am blessed to have been in that number.  I have friends however who did not get their prayers answered in the specific way I did. Some have gone on to adopt, which is such a wonderful calling and special gift to the many children in need of families.  Some got pregnant.  Some still have empty arms.  My heart aches because I remember their pain.  I  can close my eyes and remember exactly how I felt and honestly some days even tho I am in the hecticness called parenting I still have to pinch myself to make sure this is really happening to me. 

God does have a sense of humor and chose to surprise us 3 additional times making us parents to 4 miracles in a short span of 4 years.  This year marks Kali's 8th year of life and after the previous 8 years of infertility I remain in awe at the many miracles God does daily and am reminded of my promises to Him those many years ago...To HIM be the glory!  He alone is good and capable of granting the desires of our hearts!

The Epilogue....Healing

It has been one week since I wrote the heaviest material I have ever penned.
One amazing week. One beautiful week filled with healing that I didn't even know I needed. One week of take your breath away moments with my husband spent recovering, as it were, from the years of pain that had put up huge walls in our marriage, walls that I didn't even know existed.
It hasn't been all glorious.  There has been pain and lots of tears. There have definitely been a lot of moments of humbling and swallowing pride and fear.
I wish I could have been bold right away and sought out the healing help I so desparetly needed right then and there.  But that's how pain often works.  We hide.  We fear.  We suffer and so do all the relationships around us.
God is so amazing and is waiting to bring us healing and growth if we can only put aside ourselves and our inhibitions and fears of the what ifs. My story and the walk thru my personal healing is just beginning and I am not all that excited about the things yet to come, but I am confident that God will continue to walk beside me every step of the journey.
I want to thank each one of you who have been praying for me this week and  for the meaningful words and heartfelt encouragement.  Last week's blog was my most read ever.  That blows me away. Others have been expressing their hidden pain to me and are now starting their process too.  This is how Christ's body is supposed to work.  When someone is hurting, the others in the body hurt too. "Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ"
Thanks for not passing judgement and for helping to spear head the process of my first step in this painful journey. Thank you for continuing to pray for the steps I still have to take and that I may be able to pass along Christ's love to the ones who are expressing their own needs of healing.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart....

 This picture is not my work.  The title of it struck me.  It is simply entitled "Healing Peace"

The Value of Women in the Church

I sit here a bundle of nerves at the task I have given myself for the moment.  I love to write. I love people. I love to encourage people, especially hurting ones.

 Something has been brewing in my soul and I have been formulating for a while how to share.  Why not on a blog where the "whole world" can see it?  BUT...What if it doesn't come out how I meant?  What if I end up hurting someone with the words I feel so compelled to share?  After all I am not an expert.   

I am not a feminist in the typical sense of going out and fighting for equal wages and joining protests stating that women can work just as hard and as well as men.  I am a stay at home mom and I love it.  I don't long for the corporate life or an escape from my children (tho sometimes it is nice to go to the restroom by myself).  There is however a side of me that has been referred to in negative connotations as feminist, that gets all rowled up at the sad injustice happening to women in our so called Christian churches. These are women who are being told their place is not as "valued" as their head of the home husband's.  They are the young women shouldering "the blame" trying to pickup the pieces after the horror of a sexual assault and enduring constant questioning about what she did to bring it on.  Women like me.

Now before I proceed let me say that I believe very strongly in Biblical modesty and in God's design for family authority structure. It's there in black and white in God's word.  What isn't in the Bible is respecter of persons.  God loves us ALL, male and female, and longs for relationship with us, with ME.

Over a decade ago, a nightmarish experience happened to me. Someone I trusted as a Grandfatherly figure, a well known very much married man in my denomination,  showed up at my door in the middle of the day when Lowell was at work and forced his way into my home, my personal private space and attempted to force himself on me. When the overtaking intense fear finally subsided for a brief moment I was able to free myself from his grip and push him out the door. I locked all the doors in my home, pulled the shades and scrubbed myself with bleach trying to wash away the horrid memories he left behind. When I stopped shaking enough to dial the phone I immediately began calling hoping to connect with someone who could comfort me and help me understand the trauma I had just experienced. I wanted to hide. I wanted to rewind and erase the moments that had seemed so endless. In those moments when I desperately needed love, affirmation and care for my wounded soul,  I was met instead with the accusations, "well what did you do to make him do that to you?"  **I need to clarify that this was not the response of everyone I opened up to.
 Over the years things have happened that bring those awful memories back to the surface. Sometimes someone is making off the wall statements like how women can fight off attackers if they really want to. Sometimes I meet HIM at functions. I want to vomit and re-live those moments like they just happened.

When this happens,  I talk about them for awhile again to certain friends and sometimes random acquaintances then I carefully put them back into their neat little box in the deepest corner of my heart until the next time something triggers the memory.

Over Christmas time we sat in a discussion with some friends and ka pow! there it came again.  This time I am wondering if I have properly dealt with it and the horrible guilt and shame that accompanies it.  There are so many questions.  Do I need to confront the offender? Take it to the church? What if he is continuing in his sinful activities and is hurting others? What about his grown children and grandchildren.  Has he violated them?

I happen to be married to a Godly man who shares with me and attempts to help me see how sexual issues really are for men.  Temptation is real and sexual issues are not just a big deal to men. Women are tempted too. All to often tho sexual issues are embarrassing, ugly and no one wants to deal with them because we can all fall. So we do nothing or as little as possible. This is my beef with the church as I see it. It seems there is no balance, either stuff is criminalized or swept beneath the rug.  There needs to be more teaching on right and wrong behavior.  When things happen they need to be dealt with Biblically and the Bible is pretty blunt on this stuff and puts a pretty heavy load on men "For if a man looks at a woman with lust in his eye he has committed adultery in his heart with her already"  Adultery is no small matter! It behooves me to more intense prayer for the men in my life and in my church family. We are all in this together. 

What does this all have to do with value of women in the church you might ask.  I seriously believe there is a direct connection with the lack of growth in today's churches. When women are faced with pain such as I experienced they need to be met with love and care, not disdain.  When inappropriate things come up in church life they must be faced with diligence and be dealt with. Pushing things under the rug, especially things of sexual nature teaches the younger generations in essence that women are of lesser value and that living out the sins we are tempted with is ok especially if no one finds out.  

I know now that the man that violated me had a past history of sinful habits. What if someone had mentored him when he was young and formidable and taught him the truth of God and his ways to finding victory in the area of sexual purity?

As I stated earlier I am not the expert. I don't have some secret agenda.  I don't have all the answers but I happen to know the Creator of the universe who has a direct relationship with me and He does have the answers. I pray you hear my heart.  I am hoping in sharing something this personal that I can perhaps bring healing, validation - VALUE to someone else who may be secretly struggling with deep hurts in their heart.  

"For we are God's Masterpiece.  He created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things HE planned for us long ago.  Ephesians 2:10 NLT "

Easy Peasy Healthy Lasagna

I am always on the quest to better our diet as a family.  That can be challenging with a dear hubby who grew up on the typical American Mennonite diet consisting of high amounts refined white carbs, cream of mushroom soup and Velveeta cheese. Tonight however I concocted something healthy that actually ended up being quite tasty.  Not only did I use whole wheat lasagna noodles (bleh is what I would've thought about that before trying these!) I actually used my trusty vita mix to whip up an amazing very green (literally) cheese concoction that won the hearts of my kidos who now think green cheese is the coolest thing ever. (kind of reminds me of the fun I have sneaking cabbage into the Vita mix ice cream I make for them--but that's a post for another day when it's much warmer. And hey don't knock it before you try it- it really is good too!  Come over and I'll make you some just to prove it)
Here is how I did it:

I started out with these. For a 9 x 13 pan I used one box and 2 or 3 noodles from another

Begin by preheating oven to 350

Brown 1 lb burger of your choice

I brought up a qt of my home canned tomato/pizza sauce and started out with some of that in the bottom of the pan then laid out the first layer of noodles.

I covered that with the yummy green cheese mixture which consists of the following:

1 c Ricotta cheese (which BTW I got in a large container at a bargain price and froze in cup portions)

3 cups fresh spinach

1/2 c Parmesan cheese (preferably fresh)

1 egg

Blend all ingredients in blender till smooth and green   (LOL)

Follow with another layer of noodles then layer of burger then noodles again.  Top with rest of sauce

Pour 1 c water around the outside (not on) of the noodles to help cook them (such a time saver to not have to precook!)

Bake covered for 45 minutes 

Uncover and sprinkle 1 c of cheese ( I just had co-jack tonight)

and bake till cheese melts.

Enjoy!

I so enjoy making food that is actually good for my family and is equally enjoyable!  My children have not licked their plates as clean as they did tonite in quite a while so we will be having this one again soon.

The Quest for Good Health Naturally

I have long been a fan of the natural ways for caring for one's health.  My mom was big into helping our family and the many others that came thru our doors hoping to feel better.  When she first started using essential oils we kids used to make fun of the smells that drifted out whenever she opened her van door, her purse or her closet where she kept her stash. Now I am her. Recently someone came close enough to smell the recently applied Thieves oil and commented about it as did the lady at the hotel when we checked in and she smelled the ones poking out of my travel bag along with my diffuser I take everywhere. A few years ago I would not have gotten caught dead smelling "natural".  Guess I have matured or gone nutty?
Some of my many favorites just to name a few include Valor, Peppermint, Thieves, Harmony and of course Lavender.

Harmony  is amazing for allergies, hay fever and sinus issues. I have seen it calm and soothe someone experiencing a severe anaphylactic reaction.

Valor is amazing for aches and pains.  I keep a bottle handy for my kids' bumps and bruises. It helps stop bleeding also. I have seen it effective for such painful conditions as Plantar Fascitis

Thieves is my go to infection fighter.  I love dabbing it behind my ears before I leave the house. Plus it smells amazing.  Great for sore throats, ear infections.

Peppermint is amazing for digestion.  I also use it in many of my reflexology sessions as a great opening force for plugged or drippy sinus issues.

Lavender is good for many many things!  One of my favorite uses is a few drops in my bubble bath. it is good for burns and putting a few drops in a few ounces of olive oil have been the healing force for diaper rashes and other skin issues.

Sometimes tho I doubt myself and  worry I put to much stock into the stuff I do to take care of myself and my family after all we still get sick and have actually had some fairly major issues where we have had to use some traditional western medicine this very year.  Over all thru trial and error and many experiments I am finding empowerment and  feel armed and more able to do things to help us get out of the slump of yucky.  I love learning about health and how the body works and am so blessed to have people surrounding me like my colleague Dr. Bradi Arnold who wrote a very convincing article about the importance of fevers and how they fight infection.  Here are a few direct quotes from her write up which she kindly gave me permission to share.

Many parents panic when their child has a fever. I did too the first time a child was 
brought to my office with a spiked temperature of 102.5 F. It is a scary thing to see that child 
hot, flushed and obviously very uncomfortable. 
It is important to learn ways to manage your child’s fever and not lower it artificially with 
over the counter medications. It would be best if you just threw these drugs away and don’t 
even have them in your medicine cabinet because even infrequent use of an over-the-
counter drug like Tylenol has been linked with serious, lifelong illness like asthma. 
Instead of panicking, honor your child’s fever and learn to use it constructively to improve 
your child’s health and vitality over the long term, because, believe it or not, fevers are 
fabulous and accomplish important things in a child’s developing body. 
Whenever we would get fevers during cold and flu season, my mother would never give us 
OTC’s to bring it down because she know that bringing down a fever would only prolong the 
illness and would weaken vitality for the next illness to come - we would sicker quicker next 
time. 
Why do our bodies produce fever? One reason is that fevers greatly slow down 
pathogens. Fevers are a highly beneficial immune response that we suppress to our 
detriment. 
The “germ” – bacteria or virus causing the child’s distress typically replicates every few minutes 
and the fever slows this process down. Fevers work to slow down the spread and severity of 
the illness and are your friend in avoiding a secondary infection (usually respiratory illness), a 
trip to the doctor and a script for antibiotics.
Repeated forced reduction of childhood fever has been linked to childhood cancer.
And eliminating fever will usually cause a secondary infection. When you bring down a 
fever you start a domino effect toward antibiotic use. In other words, if you want to avoid 
antibiotics, don’t bring down the fever. Fever reduction suppresses the immune system. 
Your child is trying to get well himself with the fever and when you bring it down you are 
opening him up to a secondary bacterial infection that will further entrench the virus or bacteria. It cannot be stressed enough that fever has an important role to play in your child’s 
overall well being
So when you bring the fever down you are giving free license to the virus or bacteria to spread in an unrestrained manner. And don’t panic if your child’s temperature gets to 102-103 F degrees—this is the ideal range for a fever. 
I can’t tell you how many times I have seen children spike a beautiful fever of about 102-103 F for a few hours with no other symptoms what soever. When the fever resolved, the illness was over. No cough, no rash, sinus congestion, no nothing. Just a fever and that’s it. I can almost guarantee that if the parents had forcibly brought the fever down with meds, they would have gotten a secondary illness on top of the fever – probably a cough or sinus congestion and the illness would have morphed from an afternoon of chills and discomfort into a two week ordeal with a trip to the doctor and prescription meds. 


I was able to put some of this into perspective this week as each one of my children ended up with the dreaded 24 hour high fever/general achy flu.  Tho every fiber of my being tensed in fear at Hunter's rather high temps that stayed where they were for close to 6 hours I am already seeing benefits in his overall health just a few days later. I simply pushed fluids and kept cool washcloths handy when it was at its highest points and of course oiled him down with all sorts of my essential oils.

Another great learning source is my friend Kristi who  is an amazing herbalist and puts together some potent formulas from the great Dr Richard Shultze's recipes. She has been tremendously helpful in giving me ideas on how to rebuild good health in Alexia's lungs since her hospital stay for pneumonia a few weeks ago.  Who would have known stinky garlic chopped up and made into a poultice would help pull Lex out of respiratory distress? And her echinacia tincture is unbelievable.  WOW!
I am blessed to have so many great teachers to help me along the path of help! I think we have so many wonderful God given tools available to help us along in the quest for better health and living.